Amber, etc.

Viva Las Vegas and When in Rome

2011-08-25T13:46:00.007-04:00

I just returned from an out of control fantastic Las Vegas trip with two of my best friends from undergrad, S and A. We partied until dawn and acted like our ridiculous selves. We spent a crazy night at the Palms and Ghost Bar and Moon - Moon had this fabulous ceiling that opened up to the night sky and foam snowflakes. On Sunday we raged and all lost our dignity at Caesar's Palace, I'm not going to go into details (what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas) but it did result in jumping in the main fountain at Caesar's around 6:00 am. I also spent an obscene amount of money, which is a bit of a bummer because grad school tuition is due on Monday annnddd I have to purchase all of my school books. Only five more days until payday...

Throughout it all though, I realized something rather odd for Vegas, I feel like I've let myself go...and not only in a physical way, but in an all-around mental way. Somewhere in the past couple of months I've started to lose myself and no longer took care of my body or mind the way I used too. My apartment is a mess, I haven't been to the gym in months, and I can't think of the last time I'm volunteered. Yoga and tutoring were things I LIKED to do. I think that I got a little lost in my relationship with "L" and stopped doing the things that made me happy. Time to focus on project Amber for a little while.

I'm having major vacation withdraw and am hating my life at work right now. Need a new job asap, but so far nothing. I'm trying to hold out until I graduate in January, but that seems so far off right now. Sad face.

Bad Blogger

2011-07-22T13:35:00.002-04:00

I've been an absent blogger, trying to amend this today. Work life has been pretty insane and I've been working crazy hours since Tuesday. We had a Full Committee mark-up, but now that it is over I'm hoping things return to normal.

Boyfriend leaves DC next Friday. For good. He is going to Syracuse for law school in the fall. I'm pretty upset about it, more upset than I will admit to myself. Even though I think we might be totally wrong for each other I love him. And I do not want to think of my life in DC without him. Right now he is my support system and it is so nice to know that there is someone cheering for me all of the time. I'm going to miss his obnoxious pet names, like baby, babe, and puzzle piece. Miss the way he cuddles. Miss his odd Southern drawl and cowboy boots, miss the bow-ties and searsucker, miss his rantings about politics, miss our dinners after work together, miss our tv watching sweatpants time and takeout Chinese nights. I'll miss him holding my hand cuddling while we fall asleep together. I'll miss our brunches together on Sundays where he orders wings instead of breakfast food. I'll miss our short-lived walks to Georgetown. I'll miss how he would be adamant about running after work and then listening to how bad/good of a run he had. I'm just really going to miss him. I need to stop, because I'm tearing up.

In other news: I'm skydiving with Kim for her birthday, going to Vegas with two of my best friends form undergrad, and going to Istanbul by myself in November for vacation. Excitement.

Another Day.

2011-05-15T15:33:00.002-04:00

I'm supposed to be studying for my last final exam tomorrow, but instead I've wasted my whole day watching Friday Night Lights. Also, I feel fat. I've been awful about my diet and workout the past two weeks and have no idea how much I weigh, but I'm sure it's not great. Blah, I can feel my double chin growing. GROSS.

So the Peace Corps interview was really informative and candid. My recruiter informed me that he wanted to nominate me, but unfortunately all of the business development positions I am qualified for are full for January - March 2012, so he has to wait until next month to see what opens up for April - June 2012. Some of his advice was pretty interesting too, for example if I were to go I would need to change my idea and definition of 'work.' He said that on certain days his one goal would be to buy bananas or something from the market and speak five lines to someone in a different language.

Summer is almost here! I cannot wait until I am free from classes. Things on the boyfriend front are going well; he is the most considerate adorable guy ever. Unfortunately he is leaving for law school come August and I'm just not sure how a long distance thing would work. My last relationship was long distance and it failed miserably; granted the last guy I dated was kind of a spoiled brat, but still it went down in flames. "L" is so caring, and so genuine, I know he really really loves me. Dating in your 20's is just so hard and I know I'm in my mid-twenties now so I'm supposed to start thinking about settling down, but I am no where near ready. Seriously, getting married in my 30's sounds amazing.

Cha-Cha-Cha-Changes

2011-05-14T21:58:00.002-04:00

So I had my interview for the Peace Corps last Thursday and they are going to nominate me! Unfortunately, at this point in time there are no business development positions open, so my recruiter is going to wait until next month to officially nominate me. Then, I'll have a general idea about what project I would be working on and in what region. This is a huge commitment, but the more and more I think about it the more I think it may be right for me. I have my doubts, and there are many things I am afraid of; mostly the isolation, the length of the two year commitment, the people I would be working with, if I would be able to integrate, leaving my family, and missing out on important events at home. I can't stand the thought of missing important moments in the lives of my family and friends, but then again, if I don't do this there is a possibility I will regret it for the rest of my life. I believe that the Peace Corps would make my life worth something, I would finally be proud of myself. It would satisfy my wanderlust and give me that 'oh shit' moment I've been looking for. It would make me feel alive and like I am truly living.

I am supposed to find out about the associateship position next week. I'm a little nervous, but less so now that I'm focusing on the Peace Corps which is a good thing. It would be absolutely fantastic though if I could get out of my current job; my soul-sucker, stress inducing, tears shed over job.

I'm starting to miss my girlfriends from college and high school. Actually, I need to amend that, I am missing one friend from college and one friend from high school, Shannon and Becky. These are my girls and I miss them and all of their hilarious antics.

Oh boy, oh boy

2011-04-27T18:49:00.004-04:00

So that ridiculous associateship position I was talking about? Well they conducted two phone interviews and now want me to come in for an hour and a half interview next Tuesday - epp - so nervous! And excited. This could be my ticket out of the depression that is my current job. I was also contacted last week by an international development firm about a policy outreach position I applied for, basically my dream job. They are supposed to call me this week if they want to bring me in for a phone interview, but I have yet to hear anything so I'm a little sad about that.

The associate position would be pretty free market oriented, which is something I'm really excited about, but I'm a little nervous about how conservative it might be. I've struggled with my political beliefs for awhile and had to settle on being a 'moderate', some policy stances on both sides really piss me off, including the religious right and elitist left. The international development position would be so perfect, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up. I'm also trying not to stress out about the fact that they have not contacted me back.

My Peace Corps application is moving along, slowly. I just sent in my finger print and background information packet yesterday. I'm nervous that they are going to slam me about my volunteer recommendation, I haven't been that great of a global citizen lately and my volunteer experience has been pretty limited in recent months, I should probably start to rectify that situation.

On the weight-loss front; my weight is not coming off nearly as quickly as I had hoped. I've lost about 3-4 pounds in two and a half weeks, which I should be really excited about, but I was hoping to already be down around 5 by now. I have a long way to go and really hope I don't look like my before pictures come Memorial Day weekend. I'm going to be on the beach most of the time and do not want to be concerned the whole time about what I look like, especially in front of coworkers.

These pictures are from recent walks I've taken around D.C. I love this city in the spring, but completely hate the amount of tourists it brings with it. They are seriously everywhere.

Going to Miami! Aka, diet time

2011-04-14T23:05:00.001-04:00

I'm going to Miami for Memorial Day, I can't wait! I'm in much need of some beach time and I am going with some fun coworkers who are from the area, so they will be great tour guides. Miami means swimsuits though, which means major diet time for me. I've been on the Special K diet since Monday, so four days now and plan to stay on it for oh, the next month and a half. I also joined a new gym and plan to start running again this weekend. I'm going to make myself take pictures before and after in my bikini, and maybe I'll have courage enough to post them on here...maybe. It's ugly right now folks. Winter weather and a boyfriend have led to some downright awful eating habits, and pale fat legs, arms, hips, thighs...you get the idea.

On the job front, my boss finally acknowledged that I'm probably miserable so hopefully they will switch some of my duties up soon. This doesn't mean that I'm not still looking. I received a huge packet in the mail on Tuesday from the Peace Corps and have until April 28th to finish it. The hardest thing I need to complete at this point in time is the fingerprinting. I have no idea where the closest police station is, but I guess I'll find out.

Also, I applied for this ridiculously competitive associate position and they would like me to phone interview on Monday. I'm extremely nervous and will be heartbroken if I'm rejected. I need to think positive thoughts.

Amber

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

It's my birthday (for real)!

2011-04-04T22:29:00.001-04:00

Nom nom nom, all I had to eat today was three cupcakes and half of a quesadilla because it's my damn birthday! I ended up skipping class and going out to celebrate with a few coworkers instead and feel a little sick to my stomach due to the massive amounts of frozen swirl margarita I consumed. Blah. Overall I had a pretty awesome birthday weekend, I feel pretty loved. So I'm a quarter of a century old. Hot damn. My mommy sent me these yummy vegan cupcakes that I shared with the office (and didn't let anyone know they were vegan). So delicious.

Boy feels awful and I almost feel awful for torturing him so. Oh well, I think he has learned the important lesson not to piss off your girlfriend/let her down when you are supposed to be celebrating her birthday.

In other news I am absolutely overwhelmed at work, but on the bright side I was contacted by my Peace Corps recruiter today. I need to send in more information before my application is complete, but it's nice to know that things are moving. I really think this is the perfect fit for me. Yes, it is going to be hard. Yes, I am going to get lonely. Yes, I am probably totally mentally unprepared for this kind of experience, but it just seems so right. It's the perfect segway to learn more about hands on international development. And honestly I want to feel like I am helping someone, doing something greater than myself.

On the work front, the new travel guidelines were released today and holy shit the amount of red tape I'm going to need to cut through is going to be ridiculous. Ugh, I just need to wait it out until mid-July and then I can peace out from that third ring of hell. I've decided that completely leaving for the whole summer is a bad idea and I need to wait it out a little bit longer. Slow chant: July, July, July.

I'm almost there.
Amber

It's my (almost) birthday!

2011-04-03T13:00:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow I will be 25 - ekk! That sounds so crazy I can't even explain. Last night I went out with some of my friends to celebrate on U Street, it was a really fun time, but the whole night was kind of bogged down because the boy totally flaked out and didn't come. So, I'm a little pissed and not quite sure where to go from there. Also, in my drunken state I invited an ex-boyfriend out and he actually came. Good thing was though we were both so wasted it wasn't awkward, and it was nice to see him. I hope we can eventually be friends, but who knows, I bet we can, there is no attraction there at all.

I submitted an application for the Peace Corps on March 25, 2011 and received my "toolkit" log on Friday. I'm hoping this means a recruiter will be contacting me momentarily so I can start to work on submitting the other portions of my application. I need to get out of my job, it is killing me and breaking my heart. I feel unappreciated, overworked, undervalued, and overlooked. I've worked there hard for over two years and haven't really reaped any benefits. There is a possibility that new administrative staff that are below me will be able to travel abroad, if this happens that will seriously be the last straw, I will submit my resignation then and there. Blah, I can't think about it, too depressing.

Tonight the boy is taking me out to dinner for my birthday. He is still in the doghouse, but we will see how tonight goes, he may win some points back. I'm hungover, so that means it's hungover nap time - night!

Amber

Lost and found?

2011-03-27T02:49:00.001-04:00

Went to a party in Dupont, tried to walk to the metro, ended up at the Shaw-Howard metro station. Total Amber fail.

Imploding.

2011-03-25T16:07:00.001-04:00

Forgot to post this yesterday. I feel like I'm falling apart.

Rainy Wednesday

2011-03-23T20:57:00.001-04:00

I had a meltdown today at work. A full on can't stop crying meltdown, like a little child. Luckily I was able to close my door and pull myself together...eventually. Only two of my coworkers saw, and one is one of my close friends. I just can't do it anymore, I don't have the heart to be there any longer. It really is way overdue for me to leave, but I am so scared. So scared. I've been there since I graduated from my undergrad and I am terrified of making the wrong decision. I either need to go see a career counselor or a therapist, things are getting out of control.

Boy was super awesome about everything. All he wants is for me to be happy and he wants to make me happy, it's super cute. Unfortunately I am the only one that can make myself happy and at the moment I am fixated on how much I hate my job. It consumes my thoughts. Not good.

On a lighter note, today was my cousin's 11 birthday. We celebrated by eating yummy Italian food and family. I bought her a sewing kit and a historical fiction book, I know, totally nerdy presents, but I thought they were enriching. And you can never go wrong by giving someone a book, I'm a firm believer that everyone loves books.

It's pouring outside and I can hear thunder. In an odd way it is soothing and totally fits my mood right now. I applied for a job with one of my dream working organizations today and completed a Peace Corps application, I just need to work on one of my references before the whole thing is complete. I need to remind myself that I will not be stuck at my job forever and there is a very bright light at the end of the tunnel. No need to get this discouraged now. Things will improve.

Goodnight.

Somedays aren't yours at all, they come and go as if they're someone else's days

2011-03-21T16:32:00.002-04:00

I'm restless again, you know, the typical Amber restless that dominates most of my thoughts. I'm pretty unhappy with where I am in life and I am determined to make a change. But alas, that change will not be today. No today has been spent in a tiny coffee shop in Arlington studying microeconomics for my midterm tonight. At least I was able to enjoy a super yummy chai latte (one of my favorite things on the whole wide world). The photo today should be titled 'the life and times of a graduate student.' Huge stack of notes plus caffeine equals my life. This is my grad school memory.

Tonight before the dreaded midterm I'm going to a grad school forum of alumni in international development jobs, I'm actually pretty excited about it. If I can try and figure out a path to work in the international development field I feel like some of the uncertainty and stress I've been experiencing will decrease. I'm ready to be over this fog - does everyone go through a quarter life crisis this dreadful? Or am I just one of those depressing kind of people that always see the glass as half empty?

I've been at this coffee shop all afternoon and the whole time it has been packed. It's a Monday, what do these people do? I do not understand. Do they have jobs? They can't all be students. I'm really finding this quite perplexing and wondering what career path they are all in that allows them to spend Mondays at coffee shops. I feel like they are all keeping a secret from me. Tell me the secret!

Wish me luck tonight.
Amber

Spring has Sprung

2011-03-20T19:46:00.009-04:00

It's here! It's here! Spring has sprung and boy has it been gorgeous outside. I snapped this little picture on my walk home today from the George Mason library. My mind is happy, though I'm sure my allergies will be quite upset in a few days. Walking home I was struck by how beautiful Virginia can be and how lucky I have been to experience life on Capitol Hill in my twenties and I want to remember this time. I've decided to start documenting my daily life, even the mundane, by starting a daily photo diary. MY goal is to post at least one photo a day to document my twenties.

Today I spend most of the day at the library studying for my microeconomics midterm tomorrow. This is seriously one of the hardest courses I've ever taken and I sincerely hope all of my studious-studying will pay off. Supply/demand/indifference/utility, blah, my brain is spinning.

I made a pretty nerdy purchase at Barnes and Noble yesterday and bought three books I'm super excited to read once I have my life back after the midterms. These adorable little books were on sale for seven dollars each and are a "brief insight" to history, international relations, and economics. I love crap like this; short, sweet, insightful and I will have so many random facts with which to impress you. Smiles.

Wish me luck on my midterm tomorrow - and wish me luck in my future. I've been contemplating jumping ship from the USA for the summer, but I will wait until more information about this plan materializes before I share it. I hate to be the person that talks a lot about what they would like to do, but never actually does it.

Au revoir,
Amber Cupcake.

Welcome, please let me entertain you

2011-03-10T15:36:00.002-05:00

This is my quarter life crisis. It is ridiculous and has been brewing for about two years now, except for now I am almost actually at my quarter life. In less than a month I will turn 25. 25 years of age. Holy shit. I know, I know, it's really not that big of a deal, but when I was little 25 seemed so freaking old. so to thoroughly celebrate this momentous occasion I am planning a little trip to Cancun, Mexico, for sunshine, the beach, and tons of tequila shots to the face. I refuse to age quietly or gracefully, just not going to happen.

So living through a quarter life crisis has been interesting. I am absolutely no idea what I want from life, and since I can't figure out my objective I've pretty much been wandering around in self loathing and self pity. The one over-arching theme lately has been to quit the job. Quit, quit, quit. But unfortunately, I do not have the wealth to just up and quit without any sort of backup plan. So here I am. Still employed at a job I'm not that big of a fan of. I've been trying to act more positive about it, but yeah, it's hard. The work environment is very stressful, and very partisan if you know what I mean. The new motto is to "try to improve things here" until I can figure out a move elsewhere. And the real lesson has been that no one is hiring and I should be very thankful to have a job.

On that note of thankfulness I have also decided I need to stop living such a selfish existence and start giving back to the community. At the moment I am on a search for a volunteering project that fits my schedule, I think I found something that will work mentoring local elementary school children, but I haven't taken the jump and committed to it yet. I'm sure there will be more to come.

And then there is this adorable boy I am seeing. Simply adorable. More to come on that later as well.

Smiles and sunshine and all of that lovely stuff,
Amber.